Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Nightmares [Stress]

My mother always says that everything can be attributed to stress in some way. I'm going to attribute 1.5 months without a single post to stress. I didn't post because I was stressed. It's a fact. I'm also going to attribute to stress the nightmares I had this morning after Tyler left for work.

In the first, I was in my childhood home with my family, and I was insisting to my father that my car was perfectly fine parked on the street. I went to the window to show him, and my little blue Nissan had been rolled up some kind of ramp across the street, apparently by baseball teams who were having gang warfare on the front lawn. They were firing handguns at each other. No one seemed deeply concerned, and every time I tried to call 911, something went wrong. I hit the wrong keys, or the operator couldn't hear me, or I couldn't read the numbers on the buttons (although I distinctly remember seeing numbers clearly and accurately at some point, which isn't supposed to happen in dreams). I was also fretting over the door locks and something was amiss with the others cars parked in the driveway. In the second dream, I was in a tiny room in a library with Tyler and my brother, and we were deep in conversation over a book lying open on the table. The library was about to close, and the librarian came in, and instead of telling us it was time to leave, he insisted, as he closed and removed the book, that because we weren't grasping the concepts in the book chapter, we ought not to read it at all, and go home. I leaned back in my chair and I accused him of not wanting us to be able to grasp the concepts, which seemed deeply appalling in my dream, as if the librarian were violating a librarian code of ethics to help and to want people to understand. The dream shifted, and my brother and Tyler had left, and the librarian was confronting me in the corner of the tiny library room, trying to claim he wasn't doing as I'd suggested, and also trying to threaten me at the same time.

When I finally woke up to my alarm, I felt unsafe, and had to check the door to make sure Tyler had locked it when he left. Ah, stress.

Update 4:02pm: I think I also dreamed that I was pregnant. I hate that.